fun things to do in front of nerdy boys
intentionally mix up zelda and link
refer to anime as “japanese kids cartoons”
pronounce pokemon as pokey-mon
respond to everything they say with “oh yeah my baby brother likes that!”
I am a nerdy boy and I assure you the only reactions you would get from this are crying or outbursts of rage
you act like your tears aren’t EXACTLY what i want
pokey-mans works a little bit better, but might make it too obvious that you’re trying to make them upset
pikachus. call them all pikachus. digimon? pikachus. magic cards? also pikachus. sexy catgirls? definitely pikachus. ”That’s a cool pikachu,” you say of their yu-gi-oh action figure. after whatever blistering explanation results, just nod. “there’s a lot of pikachus out there, huh.” you say. “that’s nice.”
you have 10 seconds to think of a way to make the average vampire movie fresh and new and exciting again
A vampire going through the daily struggles of trying to hide his ever lasting boner— as rigor mortis is an unkind friend.
alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy
so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.
the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.
the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.
in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.
the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.
and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides
"It’s not dead. It’s resting."
That is an ex-parrot.
He has ceased to be.
He has expired and gone to meet his maker
He’s probably pining for the fjords
No, no… he’s stunned
There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.
I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele
this was me last month when my face was tan and my neck was burnt and my chest was pale.
No but seriously, this is a fucking amazing pun. 10/10